When it comes to fertilising the lawn, the grass aint always greener, particularly if you cant follow instructions on the back of a weed and feed packet.
Now we all live somewhere and we all answer to someone, or something. It may be God, it may be demons, it may be the season.
Take spring for instance, when winter weeds are feeling like, just maybe, they have a right to live. Bindii, clover, creeping oxalis no one ever stands up for the weeds, do they? No. And thats because they arent buffalo grass. And come September 1, in the interests of lawn beautiful, they must die. So the story goes.
Some experts allege half humanitys problems stem from being disconnected with the land. But suburban slackers will tell you disconnection from the lawn is just fine if the mower stays in the shed, which it does through winter. And to be perfectly frank, theres no hurry to reconnect come spring.
Experience tells you the suns rays will lengthen, the earth will warm and grass will do what its does every spring grow. Rampantly. Shading out the weeds, and requiring you to mow. A lot. So why hurry?
Well, because eager green thumbs (often those who dont do the mowing) feel the annual need to speed up the process by getting someone to weed and feed, and worse yet, aerate the earth with a pitch fork.
Its a dreaded call to action and can only lead to one thing sweat! To protest can only bring one other thing. More protest. The classic equation for debate. About how lazy someone is. And about how bossy someone else is.
Convection currents of frustration often spiral into a spring storm bringing the rain in so many ways, except actual rain. If only dripping sarcasm could break droughts.
In the end its about yields, well yielding actually, and coming to grips with application equations for all the nutrients and poisons you purchased in preparation for this potentially grisly task.
And heres the rub. Get the medication wrong and you may kill the patient. Poor ole lawn was at least alive before you tried to revive it.
Its easy, say the instructions, if you can follow instructions. But thats usually been the sticking point way way before you get to the back of the packet and read you have to measure out 67g for every square metre of lawn. No more, no less, and apply only when rain is unlikely in the next 48 hours, to weeds that are early in their growth phase, and not towering over the letter box.
Applied mathematics was never your strong suit, and that hint of a double negative can be so confusing for impractical people. There is a tendency to take a fingers crossed approach. With the added assurance that your weeds and lawn will both probably blacken and possibly die for a while. But if you have applied the product correctly one of the two should come back to life. Hopefully the grass, and hopefully in time for that garden party youre planning.
If its the other way, well, you may as well die too. Little weed.