Can you believe that Santa can deadlift more than 200 kilograms?
We hear Santa is looking pretty ripped. He’s lost his pot belly. Word is he was close to being a diabetic. His doctor told him to shape up. So he started hitting the gym. It made him feel a lot better.
People reckon Santa is jolly. But his obesity actually made him pretty cranky at times. Since he’s trimmed down, he’s a lot less prickly with the elves and he’s stopped kicking the reindeer in fits of anger. Mrs Claus has put him on a new diet. That means cutting way down on the junk food and booze.
This Christmas, when people leave out cookies for Santa and carrots for his reindeer, don’t be surprised if Santa eats the carrots.
This photo shows Santa competing at an event at Strength Republic gym at Hamilton North. Beau Morrison organised the event, which raised about $1200 each for the charities, Mates In Construction and Dolly’s Dream. Plus, it helped Santa get conditioned for his impending trip around the globe.
We’re not sure if Santa has given up the ham. If he has, that’s OK, that’s his choice. We don’t mind at all, as long as he doesn’t start preaching that everybody else should give up ham.
Butcher Adam Stratton would probably have a heart attack if Santa pushed for a ham ban.
Adam has urged people to “buy local” this Christmas when selecting “festive hams”.
“Around 22 million kilograms of ham are sold in Australia at Christmas, but unfortunately, not all of that is sourced locally,” Adam said.
“Customers should know if the ham they serve for Christmas lunch might have spent three months on a boat being shipped in from overseas.”
Adam says pork products are flooding the Australian market from places such as Scandinavia, Asia and North America.
“When it comes to Christmas hams, there is no substitute for Australian produce.”
He reckons Aussie hams are a “clear winner for appearance, taste and value”.
“Customers need to look for the hot pink Australian PorkMark logo – this is a guarantee that the ham is made with 100 per cent Australian home-grown pork.”
Adam recommends buying “female free-range hams”.
“The male hams have a stronger, dominant, less pleasant taste,” he said.
So what do you reckon, readers? Is Adam right? Is Aussie ham the best around? And will you be eating ham at Christmas? Or will you be going for something different? If tofurkey is your thing, we’re not going to judge. That’s your choice, right?
Give us your thoughts at email@example.com.
Ian King, of Warners Bay, was recently on holiday on the Gold Coast.
Two Queensland number plates caught his eye.
“One – PETALS – was on a florist’s van at Coolangatta,” he said.
“The other was on a late model black Mercedes Benz, which was being driven by, shall we say, a mature-aged gentleman, complete with a crop of snow white hair and moustache to match,” he said.
The number plate – OLDFRT – was an absolute classic, Ian said.
“Obviously the Queensland transport department considered it suitable for public consumption.”
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