OF all the stupid statements I've made in my life, right up there would be, "I'll do anything!".
I should have learnt by now not to say that.
There is an old Chinese saying, "Only a fool trips over the same rock twice". In other words, make a mistake, learn from it.
In my case, that proverb could be modified to, "Only an idiot would say 'I'll do anything!' more than once".
When Rachel Mackie, my dance instructor and partner, asked me whether there was anything I wouldn't or couldn't do for my performance at the "Stars of Newcastle" concert on June 15, you can guess what my answer was.
A few weeks earlier, after I had signed on as one of the 12 participants in this year's "Stars of Newcastle" event to raise money for Cancer Council NSW, Rachel told me, "We're going to have a lot of laughs".
She was right. After only a handful of lessons, I've already had a stack of fun learning basic steps, and Rachel and I have shared a lot of laughs - and not all of them have been related to my dancing ability.
But surely I've provided her with the biggest laugh so far by saying, "I'll do anything!".
Unbeknown to me, "I'll do anything!" is actually the name of a very complicated dance move that involves putting your foot in your mouth.
I was struggling with a few of the other moves Rachel was teaching me, but this one I did effortlessly. With that one reply, I opened my mouth and shoved both feet right in.
As I demonstrated this manoeuvre with dexterity, Rachel smiled and said with a hint of surprise in her voice, "Okay!".
My instructor explained she'd do some thinking about our routine and come up with something for our next lesson.
If only I had done some thinking before giving her carte blanche. Which is French for, "Devise the most excruciatingly embarrassing thing you can think of".
Bear in mind that I have been selected to learn and perform disco. So even before I said a word, embarrassment for me was already on the cards.
I always thought "disco" was simply the energetic enactment of the phrase, "I'll do anything! And I'll wear anything!"
After all, look at some of the couture revolving around disco. Couture, I think, is French for, "I dare you to wear this!". Many have embraced that dare, from incredibly tight pants to spangly, open-necked blouses and high-heeled shoes. And that's what the men wore.
As the Special Air Service Regiment's motto declares, "Who dares wins". And they're brave guys. In their job, they could die. Actually, so could I, on the stage. But, hey, who dares wins.
So what did I have to lose by answering, "I'll do anything!"?
Well, my clothes, it would seem.
Again unbeknown to me, as well as being the name of a tricky dance move, "I'll do anything!", in the creative arts, can mean, "I'll wear nothing!".
So right now just picture me on a stage, dancing, foot in mouth, all but naked.
Take a deep breath.
Close your eyes and unsee that.
I do apologise.
Actually, the mental picture isn't quite as traumatic as that. And it's not quite what Rachel suggested as part of our disco routine, when we met up for our next lesson at Newcastle Dance Academy.
Sorry, Rach. That was outrageous creative licence on my part.
But only because you took outrageous creative licence first by proposing that in our routine I play the role of a stripper!
A 54-year-old bloke getting down to his Speedos?!
This is meant to be a fundraising dance event! Not a cruel comedy! Or a public hanging!
If I were to play a stripper in our routine, the movie Magic Mike would suddenly transmogrify into Nightmare in the NEX Auditorium.
As yet another old Chinese saying goes, "If your face is ugly, you can't blame the mirror".
But when all else fails and you can't bear to look in the mirror, you can blame your dance instructor.
Thankfully, as well as being an experienced dancer and an imaginative - a very imaginative - choreographer, Rachel is a compassionate soul.
No sooner had she animatedly said, "You know what would be good?" and outlined her idea than Rach saw the terror in a middle-aged man's eyes.
I later phoned her.
"Hey, Rach, you know how I said, 'I'll do anything!'...?"
Rachel has devised a new routine.
I can't tell you what that involves, or what disco song she has chosen as our tune to dance to. I've been sworn to secrecy. All I can say is that it's much better. Or, more pointedly, it's nowhere near as bad as it could have been - for me or the audience.
Participating in this event, learning new skills from Rachel, and raising money to help the Hunter's cancer patients, their loved ones and researchers are reward enough.
But by being in "Stars of Newcastle" and discovering my disco dancer self, perhaps I've finally learnt that in life, no matter what the question is, "I'll do anything!" is rarely the correct answer.
To sponsor Scott, go to: starsofnewcastle2019.everydayhero.com/au/scott-bevan
Read more about Scott's disco journey: