I can honestly say I have never been so eager to get to root canal day.
My dentist decided that rather than alleviate my issue on the spot last week, he would book me in for an appointment next week.
It was a time travel/scheduling thing amounting to nearly seven day's wait.
And at the time, it seemed like a cruel outcome given all I wanted was someone to cave my head in with a hammer.
Might someone else be available, I'd asked.
Another dentist perhaps?
Or maybe a panel beater?
My plea fell on deaf ears, possibly because I was mumbling incoherently.
But of course, that was the past and the future seemed a long way away.
In the meantime, I was really focused on what happens NOW?
Simple answer, pain.
And I can honestly say I have never been so eager to get to root canal day.
Dealing with pain motivates you that way.
To get places. Like the chemist, and then back to the dentist.
Actually, back to the time before you went to the dentist.
It's been an intimate love affair between me and my neural endings and along the way there has been much painkiller munched.
And lengthy online searches about how much paracetamol a liver can survive.
Leading ultimately to the question: is it really necessary for a doctor to write a script?
And apparently yes, if it's a medical script.
Meanwhile, the other script has been educational and along the journey I have seen the light.
A white hot laser arcing up through my cheek every sixty minutes or so.
Visible from the International Space Station, confirming the oft-quoted line that "in space no one can hear you scream".
However it's pretty audible when you chew too hard on your muesli.
And it hasn't just been me suffering.
People nearby have been at pains too.
Wondering why I curl up and cry every time I get asked to do housework.
And like the experts, I can't explain the exact nature of pain either. It just is man.
But I tell you, when you're molar is going through the Marathon Man routine, that lack of faith is nearly as painful as the plasma pulse ripping up through your jaw.
Actually, that's not true.
Tooth pain hurts way more.
But if ever there was a plausible moment to moan, it's now.
And indeed, pain is a mind game.
Experts often suggest it can be avoided by distraction.
Just think of something else, they say, like ketamine, or tell yourself it doesn't hurt.
And when that fails, it does hurt.
Not just because you realise you're not strong enough mentally to believe it doesn't.
There's also the sting that comes from failing to delude yourself, which is usually a strong point.
But the real pain is in the tooth, no matter what form of meditation you bring to bear, until it gets fixed.
So bring on root canal day, I say. I want this relationship over.