With the great toilet paper crisis of March 2020 rolling on like ... well ... a roll of toilet paper, the only rational response is laughter.
Creative wizard Marty Adnum can help here. He's managed to convert grain silos and a coal ship in Newcastle harbour into well-stocked toilet-roll holders. His impressive handiwork is aimed at helping us all get through toilet roll mania. That's just how Marty rolls.
We feel these superb arty-farty memes will have particular meaning for those who find themselves going crazy in these tough times. We hear a fight broke out over toilet paper in the car park of a Central Coast shopping centre on Friday. In Tamworth on Thursday, police tasered a 50-year-old bloke in Big W over a toilet paper fight.
As toilet paper rage spreads, we definitely need some art and humour to calm things down. So too do those sitting on the lavatory with an empty cardboard roll on their toilet roll holder. It's not so much the greedy toilet paper hoarders who need our help. It's those poor souls who have had to go without.
We all know someone who has run out of toilet paper at this time. We may well steadfastly refuse to share any of our toilet paper, but we do have compassion for them.
As supermarkets open each morning and the rush to the toilet paper aisle begins, we should all be mindful that people are missing out, some repeatedly. Some folks have had to turn to gum leaves, telephone books, baking paper and newspaper.
Showing some much-needed mindfulness, Marty took out page 27 of the Newcastle Herald on Friday with a page of toilet paper. The page doubled as an advertisement for Marty's creative media company, Out Of The Square.
Meanwhile, the Lochinvar Hotel is doing its bit to help out in the coronavirus-toilet paper panic. It's offering a free loo roll to anyone who buys a Corona beer.
With toilet paper companies ramping up production and stressed-out supermarket staff manically restocking shelves, the crisis will surely end soon.
The hysteria has left many scratching their heads, asking "Why toilet paper?".
The question has been asked over and over again in homes, workplaces and places of recreation.
One common answer seems to be: "I'm buying it because everyone else is".
Psychologists have suggested the behaviour is linked to a need to regain some kind of control. Sigmund Freud would have had a field day.
But when it comes down to it, people are just s--t-scared of running out of dunny roll.
Tulip Mania and Plague
Toilet paper mania kind of reminds us of tulip mania.
Tulip mania, which emerged In the 1630s in Holland, has become synonymous with market insanity.
Behavioural economists say the same human traits that caused tulip mania have been repeated at various times throughout history.
Toilet paper mania and tulip mania have their differences and similarities.
Tulips were seen as luxurious, beautiful and exotic, while toilet paper is ... well ... not so much that. Mind you, a good quality toilet paper does have an element of luxury.
Tulip mania was linked with an outbreak of bubonic plague. And toilet paper mania is, as we all know, linked to a coronavirus outbreak.
There's something in that somewhere.