PRIME Minister Scott Morrison reckons hoarding is un-Australian. If that's the case, there's a lot of un-Australian activity happening in Newcastle. Capers that are un-Australian and therefore un-Novocastrian. Someone please call ASIO immediately and make it stop.
The un-Australian behaviour on display in local supermarkets shows a great deal about contemporary Australia. Compare this imbecilic selfishness to the overwhelming kindness of the Japanese to each other after the Fukushima earthquake, tsunami and nuclear meltdown.
My fellow un-Australians, it is time to replicate the 1938 American initiative and instigate our own House of Un-Australian Activities Committee. The committee's remit will be to investigate hoarding activities allegedly or actually committed by private citizens, public servants and organisations. The behaviour of corporations sits outside of the committee's terms of reference.
The only form of acceptable hoarding - that which is not un-Australian - is aggressive accumulation of negatively geared housing. I'm surprised John Williamson doesn't magically appear wrapped in a Wallabies supporter scarf twanging out True Blue or Cootamundra Wattle whenever an Aussie relies on the tax system to hoard a property they do not require for their own shelter.
Un-Australian acts such as taxpayers with high taxable incomes not hoarding property in order to claim deductions against their taxable income will be properly investigated by the committee.
Un-Australian. What a stupid and ridiculous word and concept. How I loathe its vacuous pretence and rallying cry to outrage. What some players in the Australian cricket team participated in at Cape Town in South Africa with sandpaper on a Kookaburra is not un-Australian, it is cheating.
What the camera appeared to show on ABC's Four Corners last week - an Australian SAS soldier shooting an unarmed Afghani in a field - is not an un-Australian, it's murder. Not reflective of true character or whatever the PR team say these days when a client gets sprung.
Minister for Home Affairs Peter Dutton likes to dish out the un-Australian label to those who disagree with him. He said that lawyers working pro bono to help refugee medical evacuees stay in Australia were un-Australian. Those rotten pro bono lawyers with all their un-Australian compassion. Dutton should have sent himself to quarantine on Christmas Island for an indefinite period when he tested positive for COVID-19.
It's un-Australian not to privatise profits and socialise losses. Nice for the boss of Qantas to take a pay cut from his $20 million-plus salary and for Qantas and Virgin Australia to humbly accept more than $700 million bailout package from the Aussie taxpayer, with the federal government waiving industry fees and levies the airlines typically pay. It would be un-Australian to refuse that handout.
That's the spirit of Australia.
Another $700m plus of taxpayer bucks is being spent on a Sydney football stadium that is being built to chiefly benefit rugby league. Australian Rugby League Commission chairman Peter V'landys seems to have no shame in asking for more from taxpayers. He demonstrated an Australian self-interest akin to that of loo paper hoarders when he declared "an Australia without rugby league is not Australia".
This was news to Victorians, Tasmanians, South Aussies, West Australians and Northern Territorians, who took to social media to ask "what is a rugby league?" and "can you catch a rugby league off a toilet?"
Most of these heathens were not aware that rugby league was even a thing.
Mr V'landys also said the "government has to assist us in this crisis because it is not of our own doing" and that the "last resort for us is to go to the players and ask them for a pay cut because, like the rest of us, they've got mortgages and made commitments . . . ". And rugby league players and administrators are different to retail workers copping a gobful due to no bum rub on the shelve because...?
I'd love Mr V'landys to step down to street level and listen to those whose lives are based around incomes from the gig economy. I listened to student after student last week talk with genuine fear about their casual shifts at pubs, clubs, retail and cafes being cancelled by kind bosses shedding real tears. Decent bosses who care about their staff. They know their employees are reliant on their businesses staying open.
Sixty-two per cent of the businesses in Australia are run by sole traders.
And Mr V'landys, at the time of writing, there has been no government assistance for those sole traders.
And that is un-Australian.