HO hum ... another slow news week for the greatest game of all.
The NRL's latest version of "Magic Round" - where the fans disappear into thin air - kicks off when the Dogs host the Cows at ANZ Stadium.
To be honest, I can't tell much difference between this crowd and any other Thursday-night fixture at ANZ.
Down south in Mexico, the aerial ping-pong mob launch their season when Richmond tackle Carlton at the MCG. It's taken 100-odd years, but finally rugby league attendances are on a par with the AFL's.
WARRIORS players make the momentous decision to remain in Australia and continue playing, instead of heading home to start two weeks in isolation.
It's a big sacrifice. But much as they're missing their wives and children, clearly they would rather stay in civilisation than risk their lives by returning to a third-world nation.
Meanwhile, the Old Fox of Redfern makes a point of sitting behind the goalposts when the Broncos play the Bunnies at Suncorp.
Coach Benny can watch the game without pesky fans bugging him for autographs and selfies. Mind you, I get a tad nervous when I notice the 70-year-old cough a couple of times.
The new boss of "rugba league", Peter V'Landys, vows to come down hard on any players who dare breach the code's strict new isolation protocols.
"It's a major decision for them to act recklessly," V'landys tells Triple M.
"We'll be introducing penalties, no doubt about that ... we won't penalise someone who has just made an innocent error.
"But someone in a nightclub at 3am who has put all his teammates, his family and the game at risk, that could range for a lot of things ... it won't be soft."
Personally, I'd suggest the NRL should go one step further. Lock all the players in cages, let them out for training sessions and games, and then feed and water them and lock them up again afterwards. It works in the circus industry, anyway.
THE Knights and the Tigers do battle at historic Leichhardt Oval and Lachlan Fitzgibbon marks the occasion with one of the best up-and-unders seen in many a year.
No, not a towering bomb ... a good, old-fashioned mid-game chunder.
Young Fitzy heaves up a couple of litres of Powerade, a protein shake and two semi-digested slices of pepperoni pizza, then promptly returns to the fray.
My university-student daughter informs me it is known as a "puke and rally".
I'm expecting biosecurity types in hazmat suits to interrupt proceedings while they erect a barbed-wire barrier around the potentially toxic puddle. But no, it's just play-on. Good luck to anyone who happens to get tackled in the vicinity.
The Knights rack up their second win in as many games, but it's the performance - or lack thereof - of the Leilua brothers that catches my eye.
Big Joseph/Joey/BJ was outspoken during the week, insisting he shouldn't have to cop a pay cut if the NRL is forced to shut down.
Judging by his efforts against the Knights, I'd not only be reluctant to pay Joseph/Joey/BJ, I wouldn't feed him, or his useless sibling. Probably do them good.
Full-time has not long sounded when news breaks that the AFL is suspending its competition.
Honestly, how pathetically soft are those aerial ping-pongers?
THE day we've all been dreading arrives when chairman V'Landys announces that the NRL is taking time out, indefinitely.
"Rugba league will always survive in some way," he assures us.
V'Landys explains that the health and well-being of players is suddenly of paramount importance, as opposed to yesterday, when the wealth and well-being of players was the No.1 priority.
"Yesterday all was good and we could continue to play, and today that took a dramatic turn," he says.
It's just a coincidence that every state in Australia has shut its borders, which of course had no bearing on the NRL's decision.
Players across the game are no doubt devastated with this news ... until they realise they can now officially kick off Mad Monday.
THE Herald's new rugby league expert, Laurie Daley, could be struggling for material to fill his column in coming weeks, but if worst comes to worst, he has a future as a stand-up comedian, judging by the jokes he tosses up on his Big Sports Breakfast radio show.
Take this one, for instance. A bloke goes to the doctor and says: "Doc, it's pretty embarrassing, but I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside."
The doctor asks him to drop his strides and bend over, then exclaims in amazement: "Wow ... how's that?!"
I laughed, anyway.
"Daley's Dad Jokes" ... I reckon that's got some potential.
CANTERBURY take the whole concept of pay cuts a tad too literally by cutting coach Dean Pay.
Meanwhile, like the NRL, AFL, A-League, NBA, NFL, English Premier League and Cardiff Squash Centre, the Herald's weekly rugby league liftout, founded way back in 1994, has been placed in hibernation. We'll be back in due course.
Our weekly panel of tipsters have also been handed their notice. Looking on the bright side, I guess that means as co-leader with Matthew Johns - but ahead on alphabetical order - I'm the 2020 champion.
As for Seven Days, will it survive the bubonic plague? Your guess is as good as mine, but hopefully I'll see you next week.