You can make a face mask out of a sock.
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Never would I have imagined that this information would one day make my ears prick up.
But it did. This week.
I was saying to a friend that I reckon all in NSW will be wearing masks soon, like in Victoria. I was thinking of buying a couple of material masks from a nearby business, but was eager to move sooner rather than later as they could all be gone.
"Make your own," my friend said.
"I saw it on the TV. You just need a sock and scissors.
"Apparently those short sport sneaker socks are the best"
I was taken aback.
"I'm not putting a stinky old gym sock on my face," I said.
Of course, she meant use a new sock. But, these days, I tend to jump straight to the worst-case scenario.
It's my 2020 default reaction.
For example, a cough (from anyone) means they have COVID-19; someone accidentally brushes past me means I've been infected; I'm caught short and have to use a public toilet means I will face a long stay in a hospital isolation ward; if I forget my hand-sanitiser when I leave the house it will lead to an even longer stay in the isolation ward with little prospect of leaving.
Masks seem to bring out the worst in people, especially in the US. Their President is leading by example. A few months ago, Trump said masks were bad. This month, he said masks were good.
He then made a big song and dance about wearing one in a hospital. Walking through the ward like Darth Vader, he looked like he'd switched to the light side.
The President was mighty proud of himself. No doubt he reckons he deserves a medal for such a brave act (wearing a piece of cloth on his face).
There also seems to be masked opposition on the streets of America, particularly in supermarkets and department stores. Here we have seen footage of adults throwing themselves on the floor after refusing to wear a mask.
Their bare-faced defence is: "I'm an American".
This weird strain of American also offers the same answer to the question "Why do you carry a gun?".
Apparently the answer to "Why don't you accept that some businesses have to close during the pandemic?" is "I'm American and I need a haircut/acrylic nails/spray tan".
But I shouldn't diss the infantile non-mask wearers in the US until I see how Australians react to any official directive to cover their mouths when they venture out.
I'm sure that annoying strain of Entitled Aussie Adult Babies (EAAB) will instantly start screaming about their "rights" and "freedoms" when anyone challenges them about their dodgy social practices.
When all else fails, EAABs may claim (in a high-pitched voice): "It's a matter of principle".
Here, you've hit an ideological wall.
It's also where the discussion will mercifully end. Hopefully it will all wrap up with a dramatic flounce off (from them, not you).
EAABs' strange reactions were on full display during the otherwise seamless transition away from single-use plastic bags in supermarkets.
So, to put everyone's overactive minds to rest, Amnesty International has posted this advice on Facebook:
"Dear Australia,
Wearing a mask to keep everyone safe does NOT violate your human rights,
Love,
Amnesty International"
It added "We've been standing up for human rights since 1961, we'd know."
So, there you have it.
If, or when, the directive comes to mask-up you can shut down any bare-faced big baby with "If Amnesty International's OK with it, you should be too".
If the EAAB still thinks they know better (which is entirely possible) pull out the big guns.
Stand up straight, puff out your chest and, with hands on hips, declare: "I'm an Australian. Put a sock in it."
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