I know, it happens every year, but the chill of winter always takes me by surprise.
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It's as if the sweltering heat of summer melts my mind just enough to make me forget how cold it actually does get around here at this time of year.
Lucky it still gets that cold, to be honest, and that we live in a place where big and rich wintery related ales, stouts, and porters are brewed in abundance by fantastic local brewers, or otherwise profusely stocked by most decent bottle shops.
"I look forward to winter nights every year so that I can light the fire in the garden and sit back and watch the flames whilst sipping on a lovely Porter," says Prince of Merewether bottle-shop manager, Daniel Williams. "I love my dark beers to be rich and complex with layers of flavour."
Me too. Hence, this story. Disregard your despair at the (literal and metaphorical) chill in the air, right now. Here's seven frosty brews to help you beat back the moody blues, this winter. (N.B. Lager boys, beware.)
Hunter Beer Co. (Nulkaba, NSW) Hunter Bock.
$14 (750ml), 6%
There's an old Hunter saying, I just made up, "when there's snow on the Barrington, it's time for a Bock. A Hunter Bock, that is."
This black beauty is perfect for people who don't think they drink dark beers, but still have a thirst for taste and flavour. Winter warming scents of crusty baked bread, malt biscuits with burnt butter and distant ship smoke on the horizon. A caramel nougat presence persists past the lips, anchored by a vaguely bitter mocha-coffee undertow rolling through a smooth yet light, and uplifting mouthfeel. So good.
Sailor's Grave Brewing (Orbost, VIC) Law of the Tongue.
$7.50. 5.8%
Once upon a time, an orca named Old Tom spent four decades helping whalers catch and kill baleen whales off the coastal town of Eden. Tom would help heard baleen whales into Twofold Bay.
As reward for their efforts, the whalers would allow the orcas to feast on the enormous lips and tongues of the baleen; a practice known as the 'Law of the Tongue': Liquefied liquorice in colour, there's a rush of strange aromatics; of gently smoked, shucked Wapengo oysters; their saline scented shells splashed with kaffir lime, sarsaparilla and ash. All time winter refreshment. Yes.
Siren Craft Brew (Berkshire, U.K.) Coldblooded Porter.
$12.50, 5%
Subtle fans of Rick James, Siren Craft Brew from Berkshire, UK, make your new favourite Porter. Believe me.
Just imagine the most delicious Porter you've ever tasted, and double it: Coldblooded Cold-Steeped Porter. Maris Otter and a few other dark malts are cold-steeped, overnight, to draw out the smooth rich roasted flavours of coffee, burnt caramel, and dark chocolate. Linda Blair and Lexapro not required, particularly when a six pack of these coldblooded beauties are chilling in the fridge. Unity!
Garage Project (Wellington, N.Z.) Aro Noir Stout.
$9.50, 7%
I'm sure I saw this beer - or one just like it - being sipped in a scene from Stranger on the Third Floor (1940), or was it The Asphalt Jungle (1950)? Perhaps, I saw it somewhere in Frank Miller's neo-noir classic, Sin City (2005).
The point is, the aesthetics of this black and acrid stout by Kiwi brewers', Garage Project - brewed chiaroscuro style - should be enjoyed cold, yet warm, inside, on a rainy eve, watching Lorre, Hayden, and Rourke act their asses off.
FogHorn Brewery (Newcastle, NSW) Sligo Extra Stout.
$7.50, 7.6%
One of our town's finest brews. Made explicitly for winter; cold nights, warm fires (or split-system reverse cycle air-conditioners).
A single delicious sip from the dark caramel hues of a Sligo Stout is like gazing upon the wild, green lands of County Sligo and drinking in its dramatic, glaciated slopes. The composite smell of cold air and smoky chimneys, roasted malts, heartfelt hops, coffee beans, and broken bits of dark chocolate. Sweetish, yet impressively bitter.
New England Brewing Co. (Uralla, NSW) Big Winter, 2020.
$12, 8.6%
On the ugly jumper tin, it says, "wait for a cold evening, and wear a beanie", and, "Drink ASAP". Perfect.
Warmer weather will be here before we know it, so, my advice is to follow the advice on the tin, and perhaps pour out half with a friend. Complex, big and rich, as is tradition. Freshly baked bread, toasted, before being soaked in a compote of sweet plum, fig and raisin, then drizzled with scorched caramel and singed toffee. Tastes like something baked in the oven. Layers of flavour brewed with finesse.
Little Bang Brewing Co. (Stepney, SA) Sludgebeast.
$12, 12%
If ever there was a time to throw your hands in the air, crack open a massive dark beer, and put on some enormous ambient drone metal, in the form of, say, Sunn O))), Earth, The Body, Jesu, or Thou (old man gloom music), and just say f#%k it, 2020 is that time. May I suggest you try it tonight; testing out your speakers and your palate simultaneously? If you do, reach for a Sludgebeast. It's terrifying; like being water-boarded with motor-oil and force fed super boozy fruit cake, liquorice, Milo and ethanol. Far better to be black than blue.