THURSDAY
A HEADLINE on the AAP news wire catches my eye: "Nathan Brown retires from football."
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No it's not Nathan Brown, the former Knights coach, nor is it Nathan Brown the loose-cannon Parramatta lock. It's not even Nathan Brown, the former Richmond and Western Bulldogs AFL star, but another Nathan Brown who has apparently played 183 games of aerial ping pong for Collingwood and St Kilda during a 14-year career.
Can't say I've ever heard of him. As Nathan Browns go, this bloke's a deadset Neville.
Meanwhile, Broncos coach Anthony Seibold admits he is open to the idea of trying to sign Cameron Smith.
"Of course it is something we would consider ... Cameron would add something to any team he is a part of," Seibold says.
I'm not sure whether Seibs has really thought this one through. If Smithy does join the Broncos, they might as well make him captain-coach.
FRIDAY
THE great Darren Lockyer apparently regards Tom Dearden as Brisbane's next big thing, but clearly the young halfback needs more toilet training.
Tonight Dearden soils himself spectacularly just as the Broncos are about to celebrate a rare victory.
Brisbane have an eight-point lead with 10 minutes to play, prompting the Sharks to gamble on a short goal-line dropout.
All Dearden has to do is catch the ball and the result is in the bag. Instead he has a nervous look, fumbles, and three tries later the Sharks are celebrating a 36-26 miracle.
Cronulla prop Aaron Woods reveals afterwards it's his first-ever win against the Broncos. Should be plenty more where that came from, big fella.
SATURDAY
A FAN posts a picture on Twitter from last night's Tigers v Warriors clash at the SCG of a Jim Beam can with the iconic Members' Pavilion in the background.
He reckons said beverage cost him $13.20 ... and judging by the labelling, it's mid-strength.
With prices like that, there appears no need for social-distancing policies at the SCG. Only a very small percentage of the population can afford to attend games there.
At Brookvale, Nathan Cleary has a blinder as the Pennies towel up the Silvertails, prompting one Foxtel pundit to observe the young halfback has taken the game by the "scruff of the horn".
SUNDAY
THERE have been some silly haircuts in the NRL this season.
The peroxide has been flowing freely at a host of clubs, and it seems like the good old-fashioned mullet is making a comeback.
But Nelson Asofa-Solomona surely has a mortgage on the Dally M worst "do" award when he runs out against the Knights with a purple rinse.
A front-rower with purple hair. Rex Mossop is no doubt turning in his grave.
Still, it's safe to assume none of Newcastle's players were brave enough to sledge big Nelson. Not unless they wanted to end up like that bloke who annoyed him outside a Bali nightclub in the off-season.
In what might be Cameron Smith's last-ever game against Newcastle, the Storm rack up a 26-16 victory.
Smithy marks the occasion with a "meat pie" but is injured in the process, having apparently torn a hammy stretching to reach a final pass that travels five metres forward.
At ANZ Stadium, Bulldogs winger Dallin Watene-Zalezniak evokes memories of the great Marty "Munster" Bella by somehow managing to play the ball in completely the wrong direction.
MONDAY
ISRAEL Folau has never been afraid to stand up for himself.
Today he does exactly that as the Super League season resumes. Only problem is all his Catalans Dragons teammates are kneeling to show their support for the Black Lives Matter movement.
"There were some players and staff who made the decision not to take the knee ... we decided we would respect anyone's personal choice on the matter, " Catalans coach Steve McNamara says.
Obviously it's hard for McNamara to be critical of poor old Israel. I mean, they knew he was a weirdo when they signed him.
TUESDAY
THE Knights announce they have signed playmaker Blake Green for the rest of the season.
After stints with Parramatta, Cronulla, Canterbury, Hull Kingston Rovers, Wigan, Melbourne, Manly and the Warriors, the 33-year-old has been through more clubs than the Delltones. Here's hoping the grass is greener for Greeny in Newcastle.
WEDNESDAY
FORMER Great Britain star Garry Schofield puts the boot into modern-day halfbacks in an interview with England's League Express magazine.
"I don't think many of the current crop [of halves] are up there with the sixes and sevens coming off the production line between the 1960s and 1990s," Schofield declares, adding that "none of them are a patch" on the players of his era.
Fans might remember Schofield as the pasty Pom who kicked a few goals for Balmain back in the 1980s. What is not so widely known is that he was a pioneer of the technique that eventually became synonymous with the name John Hopoate.
As revealed by Paul Harragon is his autobiography One Perfect Day, Schofield had a "secret tactic for slowing down the play-the-ball", which he used on Bradley Clyde in a Test match.
The Chief recalled that "Schofield drove what appeared to be three large English sausage fingers right up where the sun doesn't shine".
Soon after, Schofield had a second shot at Clyde's most vulnerable area, all of which was later highlighted during the Australian team video review session.
"Even Brad had to laugh and cop it on the chin - anything was better than between the cheeks," the Chief wrote.