Relationships are tricky, and much of their success depends upon our skills at dealing with the ups and downs of our connections with others. We tend to hope for relationships where we don't offend, annoy or hurt others, or they don't offend, annoy or hurt us. But we'd be much better off accepting that this is likely to happen and focus upon what we do next.
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Different relationships have different boundaries and expectations. While it might be OK to be more direct with your partner or a long-term friend about what's bothering us because there's plenty of deposits in the trust bank between you, it's usually more difficult to bring up annoyances with workmates, or in-laws, where there are other people to consider.
When someone annoys or upsets you, you have a number of choices. The first is to consider why you find the behaviour of another annoying. Sometimes our reactions are more about us than the other person. Second, consider the part of the puzzle you fill in yourself. Does their behaviour annoy or upset you because you add something to it, such as a meaning or an intent that perhaps may not be the intent of the other person?
Finally, if it is something that is really bothering you and there isn't anything you can adjust to resolve it, consider how to have a discussion that will be most likely to lead to change. Be kind, compassionate and consider the best intentions of the other person. As relationship specialist Stan Takin says, all people are annoying - maybe even you.
