It doesn't matter that Keeping Up With the Kardashians is retiring, a replacement show is warming up.
Actually, the first episodes have been tested on Aussie audiences and the consensus is that they are a perfect fit.
The new series showcases fragile egos, narcissists and social media gibberish.
The Aussie series doesn't focus on one family. It features a host of special guests. However, each star has just one talent, which inexplicably draws a handsome wage.
The twist is that all the money in the world can't buy them a few lessons on how to not be obnoxious, tone deaf and boring.
The stars of the show are elite sportspeople. First to feature are the Indian cricket team and a few tennis players
The Indian cricket team's dramatics kicked off when its players realised that quarantine in Australia actually means quarantine. Some of the grumble bums didn't understand the "training bubble" concept. Apparently it means something different in elite lingo.
The Indian visitors could not believe our backward COVID state border rules and reminded Australia and the rest of the pandemic-riddled world that they were an elite group, not animals in a zoo. Inevitably, Australian health officials ordered these rare tigers back to their box and told them they'd call them when they were allowed out for a run. I'm not sure if the champs have left on the Elite Express, but no doubt they would have had another spit about having to pack their own trophies and pay cheques.
Spare a thought for Victorian residents. Their disciplined approach to doing what they had to do to win the often one-sided match against COVID was applauded by the rest of Australia. Then, an elite few carrying racquets and a chip on their shoulder arrived. The crowd's mood turned.
One visitor, Novak Djokovic, was not happy with the Premier's call that he had to quarantine for a bit. In an elite performance, Djokovic fired up his mouth and keyboard. The unvaccinated one was so elite that he was labelled "a tool" by unlikely Aussie hero Nick Kyrgios. Kyrgios (a reformed tool) also slammed consistently high-performing tool Bernie Tomic and his girlfriend for whinging because they couldn't work out how to boil a kettle or wash themselves.
While other quarantined elites managed to keep calm and carry on by hitting balls against walls, mattresses and windows, Djokovic composed a list of demands.
Top of the list: mansion with tennis court. As the residents of Brighton and Toorak turned off their mobiles and hid in their wine cellars, Premier Daniel Andrews told Djokovic to pull his head in.
Like a fed-up dad, Andrews conveyed to triggered Novak what the rest of Australia was thinking: "Mate, carry on as much as you like, but you were aware of the situation when you got on your first-class flight. Now you are here, you play by our rules. Easy. We can call it VIP Quarantine if that makes you feel more special but, Novak, it's still quarantine".
I'd add: "The only time you can remove your mask is to suck it up".
( .... and the crowd goes wild)