Here I was thinking that 2021 was going to play out like a tired sequel to 2020's blockbuster, Carry on COVID. But, thanks to the younger generations, Carry on Being Cautious has been shelved. Gen Z, bless them, have fired up at the Millennials, and the battleground is rooted in hair.

Some say, quite rightly, that I have a perverse fascination with hairstyles, especially Big Hair. I also enjoy a good dummy spit, or barney. To clarify, this has to be a theatrical over-reaction to something considered ridiculous to everyone except the parties involved. For example, a Ron Casey-style scuffle on daytime TV or a McEnroe-esque assault on plastic furniture and water jugs.

In what is shaping up as my perfect storm, the Zoomers have dissed the Millennials' hair choices. A fashion attack is the oldest trick in the generational war book. It's like lobbing tear gas into a trench to see who's alive and kicking. In a strategic strike, Gen Z declared that the Millennials' signature side-part hairstyles were old. Ancient. Apparently a centre part is the only acceptable hair path. There was a second swipe about skinny jeans, but the damage was done.

Judging by the initial response, it seems Millennials have been caught with their wi-fi down. But, I wouldn't be surprised if this wily bunch were planning a coordinated spray about the Zs' music and willingness to wear undies made from recycled car tyres.

In a refreshing change, the Baby Boomers are not in the ring. I've no idea why they haven't stuck their bib in. Their silence is mildly worrying. As usual, my crew - Gen X - have calmly taken a front-row seat for the show. Over a few bottles of red and a bucket of KFC we are silently judging the spat because, really, hairstyles are our thing.

While older generations might have acid flashbacks, it's not uncommon for a Gen-Xer to have the odd perm-solution hallucination. Eighties Big Hair was created by Big Chemicals. Besides being perm experts, Gen-Xers are hair-part trailblazers. Single parts are for amateurs. Also, a part doesn't have to be straight. How about a few zig-zags? Triangles? Obtuse angles?

Even though I'm enjoying this latest barney, I hope it doesn't widen to include denim treatments and high-waisted jeans. This would surely trigger a massive Gen-X acid-wash flashback, which would ignite another ugly generational debate over who wore double-denim better.

It's safe to say that the Gen-X slack pack will stay in our beanbags. We choose life.

We also know how to choose our battles.

Go big or go home.

IN THE NEWS: