The plan was to find out whether heroically denying myself boosted my biological data in any positive way.

It was a gamble because previous non-strategic blood-testing efforts taken after, say, an epic concert at the vineyards, had yielded alarming, possibly shiraz-saturated, results.

I was getting in this week while the pipes were relatively clean. Michael Moseley might have approved.

The thing was I stupidly booked my blood appointment at midday, which added an unexpected layer of denial to the month-long abstinence experience.

Because as per blood giving protocols, the recommendation is to fast 12 hours beforehand.

And there I had been looking forward to breakfast that morning like the automaton I have become, or am, or am trying to deny.

Now Ocsober was spilling into No! Vember and my beloved fruit and muesli. Would it never end? All last month I noted similar crises while trying to stall behaviour, habits and rampant cravings. All those things you associate with being you.

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It quickly branches out from alcohol into other areas of diet and attitude, you'll find, once puritanical self-righteousness gains traction.

Often leading to confusing contemplation about the merits of the "pleasure principle" and how turning away from it can seem - how to say this - unpleasurable.

'If it feels good, do it' is one of the more easily self-reinforcing ways to roll when it comes to being ill-disciplined.

But of course even if it does feel good, you can't do it during Ocsober, because you're trying to prove you can be disciplined. So you need to find ways of looking at the pleasure principle as neither a principle nor a pleasure.

I tried 'abomination that must be scorned'. No point being even-handed.

What felt good before couldn't anymore because you're just not doing it.

This can be hard though when others around you are, and can lead to internal dialogues, often in advance, about how to say no. I called it anticipatory denial.

In retrospect, the fact anticipatory denial caused such anxiety in advance through Ocsober probably justified doing Ocsober.

Exhibit A - a glass of wine with dinner.

You don't really need it, even though it might go well with, for example, the fish.

You don't even need to want it if you can distract yourself from the thought, but then someone asks "would you like a glass of wine with the fish?"

And of course you would, or might, or yeah nah - I'll have a water. And so it goes.

For weeks, if you stick to your guns. And avoid the fish.

But I had been looking forward to breakfast this morning. Not breakfasting. And then came this blood test booked at noon.

More hours of denial wondering will this Ocsober thing ever end? And I guess in the end that'll be up to me. No denying that.