I NEVER imagined finding myself on Novak Djokovic's side.
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But Thursday's train wreck was a spectacular example of Australia's unique ability to shoot itself in the foot by pretending to be a "world-class nation" but then revealing itself, when the heat is on, to be a petty, bureaucratic place that thinks nothing of taking a world sporting champion - whether he's a prat or not is beside the point - and using him as a prop in a set-piece piece of ScoMo chest-puffing.
I could, of course, be wrong.
The Federal Court may find on Monday that the Serbinator (I've been Googling 'Novak Djokovic nicknames') lied through his eye teeth, never had a vaccine exemption certificate of any form, and was hoping to bluff his way past customs.
IN THE NEWS:
What the hell! If career earnings of $US153 million ($213 million), estimated wealth of $220 million ($307 million), 20 Grand Slams and a winning record against Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal doesn't pull a few strings - they're not called tennis "rackets" for nothing - then what hope is there?
Even his nemesis, Nick Kyrgios, is sorry for him. Nemesis? Despite 86 titles to thoughtful Nick's six, the 26-year-old Aussie won both of their only two battles (on court, anyway) back in 2017.
The problem is that Djokovic comes across as such a goose that he's a sitting duck of a target.
I was about to say I couldn't imagine the federal government doing this to Rafa.
Even less chance with smoother-than-teflon Roger.
But then they wouldn't have to, because both those good boys would be doubly vaccinated and then boosted too. So it's not much of an argument.
Then again, the PM might have more credibility had he not let Omicron run amok, as I predicted would happen three Saturdays ago in a column headed: "Rules eased in time for Omicron Christmas".
"We've decided as a country to live with this virus and Australians have worked so hard for that," the PM had said.
"This Christmas we're about to have is a gift Australians have given to themselves by the way they've worked together with the settings that we've put in place."
Yep. Pretty good gift. And no refund.
Remember when 25,000 cases a day seemed like a scare tactic? Wasn't that long ago.
Last night we learned that even Treasurer Josh Frydenberg has tested positive. So no Australian Open sponsors hospitality for him.
NSW topped 38,000 cases yesterday in a national total of 77,700. So yep, we've opened up.
I don't think Djokovic is the threat. I think it's the other way around.
Hong Kong banned flights from Australia this week, and while you might say it's China playing politics, it's more likely an honest assessment of the risks Australia presents right now.
The Joker flew into Melbourne on Wednesday night from Dubai, but I assume that to be a transit point.
Celebrity-chasing websites tell me he lived for 15 years in Monaco, before moving recently to Marbella on the Costa Del Sol in southern Spain.
And he has a mansion in Miami and an apartment in New York. As you do.
His final competition match for 2021 was a loss to Croatia in the Davis Cup doubles semi-finals on December 4 in Madrid.
Presumably the world's #255 doubles player flew to Dubai from somewhere in Europe.
As Melbourne aviation writer Andrew Curran noted: "Like any airline, Emirates won't let you board unless your entry paperwork is in order.
"There's lots of finger-pointing going on in Australia on Thursday but Emirates isn't in the firing line."
Curran said that if Djokovic's paperwork was in order, the government wore the deportation costs.
"But, in a classy touch, they usually present the deportee with a bill on departure and will not allow a future re-entry until the bill is settled," Curran observed.
NO-VAX NOVAK:
If The Nole (after his Twitter handle, @Djokernole) had flown from Monaco, he'd be going from the pot into the fire.
Yesterday, Monaco had 1550 cases and 5 deaths in the past 28 days, compared with Australia's 460,315 cases and 220 deaths.
On the 28-day measure, the Johns Hopkins University coronavirus dashboard has us 12th out of 195 nations, so, yes, we're a hotspot.
Spain is number four.
I ran out of fingers and toes to count Monaco, but it's way down the list.
And to show how seriously fortunate we are, Serbia has just over a tenth of our cases - 49,546 in 28 days - but 795 deaths to our 220.
Remember when Djokovic got COVID after his Adria Tour exhibition matches in Belgrade and Croatia in June 2020?
Back then we were being told immunity came two ways: catch the virus or be vaccinated.
Indeed the Australian Technical Advisory Group on Immunisation (ATAGI) guidelines say vaccination can be deferred for six months after a PCR-confirmed infection.
But not 18 months or so, in Djokovic's case.
When I asked, the federal Health Department said this: "People who have had COVID-19 should still be vaccinated.
"The protection someone gains from having COVID-19 varies from person to person.
"Because SARS-COV-2 is relatively new and because lineages of concern continue to emerge, experts don't yet know how long any natural immunity might last. Australians should not rely on assumed immunity from previous infection."
So Djokovic's immunity has presumably worn off.
A bit like Australia's charm, I'd imagine.
Monday's Federal Court case shapes as a cracker.
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