Fair dinkum, I haven't seen this much claret flowing since the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Roosters lock Victor Radley is the first to spring a leak, after a nasty head clash with Broncos hooker Jake Turpin. So much for his tough-guy "Victor the Inflictor" nickname. Tonight he's Victor the inflictee.

Joseph Suaalii and Luke Keary also need on-field transfusions on a night when I fear the SCG super-sopper might be required to mop up all the red puddles.

AFTER a week of self-inflicted madness, Klemmer-gate mercifully reaches a conclusion after the Knights enforcer cops a suspended fine and returns to training. Honestly, what was the point of all that?

Meanwhile, at Brookvale Oval, chaos erupts before the post-match press conference when someone notices a used rapid antigen test cartridge, with a positive result.

Yuck. How gross.

This will no doubt prompt the NRL to crack down even harder on the dirty, unhygienic "germalists" who cover the code.

The last game I attended, they were insisting we wear Bubonic Plague masks, despite players taking selfies and engaging with punters after the full-time siren.

Mine came in handy, however, when I bumped into a tragic Knights fan who I've met previously. He's a deadset biohazard.

I've formed the suspicion that he bathes only when Newcastle win - ie not frequently enough - and I could've done with a mask a few years ago when I sat a few rows behind him on a flight to Brisbane.

RAIDERS coach Ricky Stuart is a ticking time bomb at the best of times, and tonight is not the best of times.

Firstly his Green Machine suffer a costly loss to the depleted Pennies, and adding to his angst, Panthers five-eighth Jaeman Salmon is under scrutiny after lashing out in a tackle with his boot, which nails Raiders hooker Tom Starling right in the Jatz crackers.

"Where Salmon kicked Tommy, it ain't on," Sticky fumes. "I have had history with that kid [Salmon]. I know that kid very well.

"He was a weak-gutted dog as a kid and he hasn't changed now. He is a weak-gutted dog person now."

And with that, the press conference is over, and you can hear a pin drop.

RICKY Stuart's post-match comments are the talk of the NRL, raising a number of perplexing issues.

For starters, what exactly is his issue with Jaeman Salmon? Their aforementioned "history" is a mystery.

More importantly - as raised in a recent edition of Seven Days - is it more insulting to call a rugby league rival a "dog" or a "cat"?

Finally, has Sticky been quoted accurately? Did he call Salmon a "weak-gutted dog", or a "weak, gutter dog".

It's hard to differentiate, judging by the press-conference audio. I don't suppose anyone has contacted Sticky to clarify?

MY colleagues at the Canberra Times reckon the consensus of opinion is "weak-gutted dog".

If so, as sledges go, it's almost Shakepearean.

I can picture Stuart, mid-soliloquy, like a thespian in medieval England: "I'll never pause again, never stand still, 'till either death hath closed these eyes of mine, or fortune given me measure of revenge, on this weak-gutted dog."

Personally I reckon it's more likely he said "weak, gutter dog", but only Ricky would know for sure, and funnily enough, he's unavailable for comment.

Whatever the case, the NRL looks set to come down hard. There is talk of a fine, suspension and, according to the Daily Telegraph: "Stuart could also be banned from attending post-game media conferences for the rest of this season."

I'm not sure the NRL have really thought this one through.

If that's the best they can come up with, Sticky will be like old Brer Rabbit begging not to get tossed into the briar bush. I reckon a more appropriate punishment would be to make him do a media conference every day. That'll teach him a lesson.

THE name "Nathan Brown" catches my attention as I walk past the TV during the Birmingham Commonwealth Games coverage.

But it's not Nathan Brown, the former Dragons, Knights and Warriors coach.

Neither is it Parramatta lock Nathan Brown, nor former Richmond and Western Bulldogs AFL star Nathan Brown. It's Nathan Brown, some young platform diver from New Zealand.

None of whom, of course, should be mistaken for Nathan Green, the professional golfer from Toronto.

Meanwhile, the NRL hand down their punishment to Ricky Stuart, fining him 25 grand and issuing an unprecedented one-game suspension.

That means he's not allowed to even speak to his players or staff for the next seven days. I assume he's also not allowed to speak to Jaeman Salmon.

I CHECK the draw, and realise Ricky Stuart's next post-match press conference will be after the Knights host the Raiders on Sunday week.

First question: "Hey Ricky, just clarifying, did you say 'gutted' or 'gutter'?" I'm sure he'll welcome the chance to set the record straight.

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