Pre-Christmas shopping is stressful at the best of times, so a distraction at the checkout is always appreciated.
That’s why they invented gossip mags, I suppose, and didn’t Andrew Broad turn it on in No Idea this week.
Thumbing through at the checkout, the stress of Christmas shopping drifted away, leaving me to think this was the only upside to the entire alleged tale. Move over WHO.
Consider this scenario: a married MP heads OS under the pre-text of a fruit and veg convention to hook up with a woman 20 years his junior via some classic boom chicka wow wow sexts of Aussie bloke love screen-grabbed for all to savour. Wow.
“Gday Mate Gate” as other pundits have since coined it, really added meaning to the idea of going abroad. Make that a sheila.
You don’t like to judge, but as the person ahead in the checkout fumbled for their Rewards card, I thought ‘take your time, I’ve got to read more’.
“I pull you close, kiss your neck and whisper ‘G'day mate’,” the MP allegedly outlined in superb cringeworthy fashion. Loose even by recent National Party standards.
Thankfully a price check went out for yogurt, too, so I get more time to soak it up.
The story alleges that he tells his would-be paramour he knows “how to fly a plane, ride a horse” and most likely f-bomb a political career.
There I was thinking the #MeToo movement was a condemnation of misogynistic, patriarchal attitudes and behaviours towards women, not an invitation.
Trust the Nats to mix it up.
Then again, gender politics is complicated and the Member for Mallee apparently struggles.
He was front and centre in the condemnation of former Nats leader Barnaby Joyce’s much publicised extra-marital dalliance. He was vocal in opposition to same sex marriage.
And then the randy ram allegedly turns up in Honkers with intentions, as he declares, entirely dishonourable.
You don’t want to get all high and mighty, but imperfect people may be forgiven for wondering, has a crime been committed?
Mr Broad was desperate to know too – as the timeline revealed.
On the advice of his National Party leader and the Deputy Prime Minister Michael McCormack, he sooed the AFP onto the matter in search of dirt. AKA, burn the witch.
Does it get any better/worse than that?
For Mr Broad, Mr McCormack and the notion the Nationals have a problem with women, yes. The Australian Federal Police rule there’s no law against rank stupidity.
Nor is it illegal, they add, to screen-grab clumsy bumpkin come-ons and send them to a gossip mag.
Sweet move Ms Sugar Babe, Merry Christmas Bill Shorten, go New Idea.
As I put the magazine back in the rack, briefly distracted from the stresses and strains of pre-Christmas shopping, I could only wish I had such gold gift-wrapped under my Christmas tree.