I'm standing on a small hill, overlooking a beautiful beach and watching people going about their day. A paraglider is soaring carefree above me. He is so close I can see the look of joy on his face. I'm envious.

A young couple are on the bank, holding each other in a loving embrace, and looking as though they haven't a worry in the world. I try not to look their way for fear of letting my emotions come to the surface.

There is also a man standing alone. With his arms crossed, he looks like a person who is contemplating something. Much like me.

I'm exhausted, physically and mentally. Throughout these long and frightening months, I have been accountable for the lives of many people. I have had to ensure that every word I spoke, and every action I undertook, would result in positive outcomes for these people.

Though I have not met these people, these complete strangers, they share a common problem with me. It's also what binds them, and many others, together. A virus named COVID-19.

Each day I have had to make life changing decisions. I have listened to the experts, I have felt the anguish of families, I have seen the small businesses hurting and I have seen the number of dying increase.

I struggle to stay calm each time I speak to the public as I am told by my staff to keep my emotions in check. I have to keep strong, look confident and show no weakness.

But after, when no one is around, I retreat into my office and weep for the people I couldn't save, and for their families and friends who have looked to me for answers I didn't have.

I weep for the fact I couldn't hug each person and say, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry people are having to endure this pain".

I've escaped this morning to try to grab a rare quiet moment. I haven't been able to take a long, deep and calming breath in many a month. Masks, sanitizers, cleaning agents, and being kept mostly indoors have kept me from inhaling our nature's freshness.

I close my eyes, inhale, and feel at peace. But not for long. It is hard to focus on the peaceful surroundings when I know that with one wrong action or word, all the positive work that has been done can quickly change into a negative. This is what keeps me awake at nights. It's what keeps me away from my family, and it is what keeps me continually exhausted.

I take another deep breath and open my eyes. The paraglider moved on to another beautiful beach. The couple were now making their way back to the car park, with their arms still around each other. The man who had been standing alone has now sat down, and his body is shaking. He is crying. I walked over and crouched down beside him.

"Are you ok ? Can I help you at all ?"

He doesn't look up, but answers me in between deep sobs, "My wife just passed away. She ... she couldn't breathe. They say she had COVID. I ... they say she got it from someone who visited her shop. That person ... killed my wife!".

I placed my hand firmly on his shoulder. "COVID killed your wife. This terrible virus did, not that person. Blame the virus that has caught many people, like that person and your wife, unawares. And not only within this country, but throughout the world. I am so very sorry for your loss. Is there anything at all I can do for you right now?".

The man straightened up a little and his sobbing slowed. "Thank you ... for your kind words. My son is meeting me here very soon. This is ... was, my wife's favourite spot to come and ... and contemplate. I wish ... I wish this COVID was a person, then I would be able to have someone to hate, and not a 'thing'."

The man then looked up and saw my face. He stared at me in recognition, and opened his mouth in surprise. He recognised a man he usually had little time for, or faith in. But this grieving husband could also see a man in front of him who had flowing tears in his eyes. He saw a man who he had never seen express emotion in public. And he also saw a man who was exhausted.

I said to the grieving man, "I'll sit here with you until your son gets here. I would love to hear about you and your wife, and your family. That is, if you would like me to?".

The man, still shuddering slightly with sobs, took a deep breath and patted the grass next to him.

"I would appreciate that, thank you. But ... don't you need to be somewhere?".

"My staff would agree with you, and tell me that I have just a moment. But if more moments are needed sitting here with you, then I'm not going anywhere."