It's a weird time ahead for Scott McLaughlin as he prepares to arrive in Newcastle for this week's final round of the Supercars season.
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He loves the place. And he hates the place.
It provided him his greatest moment. And it gave him his worst.
Two years ago was the worst.
Sunday November 26, 2017 - he remembers it like yesterday.
It was the day he'd lost the unloseable. The day he self-destructed in the final race of the season, surrendering a 78-point championship lead, copping three penalties, handing the most unlikely seventh Supercar crown to his Holden's biggest star, Jamie Whincup.
Twelve months on from the worst day of his life, he was back.
Same place.
Same day.
The only thing that was different - instead of racing Whincup for the title, it was Whincup's Red Bull teammate Shane van Gisbergen.
McLaughlin's title lead was two points, but it had been increased to 53 after stewards issued a penalty to van Gisbergen on the Sunday morning.
It should have given McLaughlin comfort. It should have given him breathing room. It did neither.
It was deja vu. It was groundhog day. And it ramped up the pressure.
Now he had to beat his fierce Kiwi rival - he didn't want to win the title by default after a stewards' hearing. He didn't want to win the sympathy vote.
And he was desperate to ensure what happened in 2017 wouldn't be repeated on Sunday, November 25, 2018.
This was a chance for redemption. It was a chance for the young Ford star to bury his demons, to show to the world he was no choker.
But all he could think of, was what if it did happen again?
This was the worst possible time to suffer a panic attack.
But on the brink of the final race of the year, with everything on the line, that's exactly what McLaughlin was about to suffer.
This is an extract from his new book, a diary of the 2018 season: "Road to Redemption - A Championship Journey".
"Sunday was frantic, so many people were wishing me well. Those same people who pitied me last year at the gala awards after I'd blown it, you could sense were now willing me to win," he wrote.
"It was nice and crazy but also intimidating and full on. People meant well but it was overwhelming. It took a toll. I was feeling sick, I was freaking out, I remember I started breathing really fast, and thought I was having a panic attack. I was having a panic attack!
"I was putting way too much pressure and expectation on myself. I think it was just too long out of the car with people all over me. Once I'm in the car I'm fine, I'm at ease. I knew my car was in a happy spot, but now I was f---ing freaking out. I had to ring Emma."
The Emma he spoke of was mindfulness expert and psychologist Emma Murray, who had worked closely with McLaughlin since the start of the 2018 season - helping him recover from the horror loss of the year before.
She had previously worked with Richmond in the 2017 AFL season on their giant killing path to the most unlikely premiership over the Adelaide Crows.
McLaughlin's close friend, Tiger spearhead Jack Riewoldt had matched the two up, aware of the emotional fallout the 26 year-old had suffered.
Across the final weekend in Newcastle, Emma and Scott had been in contact 20 times. But this was the most frantic call.
Emma picks up the story.
"I could feel the tension building in Scott as he used me like a support hotline on Sunday morning. It was 20 minutes before the race when his anxiety reached fever pitch as he yelled down the phone to me: 'I'm f---ing freaking out and you need to calm me down!', Murray wrote.
"After forcefully telling him to 'get a grip' we spent the next few minutes just counting his breathing and pulling his attention out of his thoughts and into the moment - a moment he was more than ready for ... a moment he had left no stone unturned for ... a moment when 'best execution' would deliver him the ultimate retribution."
McLaughlin adds to the story.
"Emma is so good at times like these - she just asks simple questions: 'Does this happen to everyone?' 'Will Shane be feeling the same way?' 'Will this affect you in the car?' She makes you calm and puts a really nice spin on it. I hate to think how bonkers she must have thought I was!" he wrote.
I was feeling sick, I was freaking out, I remember I started breathing really fast, and thought I was having a panic attack. I was having a panic attack!"
- Scott McLaughlin
"All we had to do was finish sixth to be the champion. But I was focused on not driving to finish sixth. We had to execute a perfect race. Last year we'd taken our eye off the race towards the spoils, we looked at the goal before completing the task.
"Jack Riewoldt had called me Saturday night and told me a story about the Tigers in the 2017 grand final at half-time. They spoke about climbing Mount Everest and nearing the peak, and he said, 'Don't look at the top, always look at your feet. If you don't look at your feet you'll miss a step and fall off and won't make the last 100 metres up the hill.' It made so much sense.
"My main objective was not to look at what might happen after the race - it was just to run the best possible race we could and see where we ended up at 6pm."
History will show McLaughlin ran a near perfect race.
He led throughout, and only handed the lead of the final race of 2018 over in the final laps as a precaution. He'd finish second to David Reynolds to claim his maiden Supercars crown.
"Crossing the line was probably the most calm I'd been all race. There were tears by turn 1. It was a beautiful few minutes ... It was just a huge weight off my shoulders, and then there was total elation," McLaughlin wrote.
"I'd thought long and hard about the demons of 2017 at this place, and it was almost in a moment that they disappeared.
"I remember thinking 'No one can ever take this off me.' Now I never had to discuss 2017 again. I could just point to 2018. It was relief and redemption."
Scott McLaughlin: Road to Redemption - A Championship Journey is available now.
Order online: www.tenbagpress.com.au or across the Newcastle 500 weekend at the Shell V-Power merchandise store
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