For once, a cruise ship arrived and the worst thing that happened wasn't that we still don't have a cruise terminal. And all it took was for Royal Caribbean to take on the audacious plan of sailing around the world in nine months which, if you're any good at maths and sociology you probably know, is about eight months and three weeks longer than it takes a bunch of cruise people to apparently go absolutely tropical.
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The Serenade of the Seas set off from Miami on December 10 on a 274-night world tour that has been billed to take in more than 60 countries, 11 world wonders and all seven continents. And all for the cool starting price of just over $90,000.
Back in February, given tensions in the Red Sea, the cruise operator took a novel approach and let passengers vote on two options for a changed itinerary after a "town hall" meeting in an onboard theatre. And that's before we even mention the swingers.
The Serenade holds 2490 guests and 891 crew, with 1055 cabins on board. For top money, you can sail in an 88-square metre suite boasting 10 square metres of private balcony, with other options including interior, ocean view or balcony rooms.
The now-famous cruise sailed into Newcastle last weekend, after a reportedly horror crossing of the Tasman from New Zealand that was - according to one passenger - worse than when the ship hit rough seas in the Drake Passage near Cape Horn, or even when it flooded less than a month into the voyage.
A Royal Caribbean spokesperson said the ship "experienced heavy wind and rain" off the coast of Brazil, enroute to Uruguay, flooding elevators and six rooms.
The ship spent just one day in Newcastle before sailing for Brisbane and, as of yesterday, was sailing towards Airlie Beach. Young photographer Tyler Hawkins caught the now-infamous boat sailing out through the heads at Nobbys on Saturday night.
If you reckon the voyage is starting to sound a bit like reality TV, you're not wrong. The ultimate cruise has been making some waves on TikTok and Instagram as passengers document the their time on board for increasingly ravenous viewers looking to live vicariously. Highlights, you ask? Oh boy are there!
If this boat's rockin' ... bring a friend?
Undoubtedly the most salacious of gossip onboard involves one TikToker, millions of views, a sketchy denial, and a pineapple.
Apparently (you're very moral friend Topics would never go in for such things ... but we'll Google it), pinning a pineapple on your cabin door is a sign that you're open to swinging onboard.
(Note: Some suggest inverting your pineapple, but again, we wouldn't know anything about it).
So, naturally, when a TikToker onboard the Ultimate flashed a pineapple on their door during a room tour, the rumour mill went wild. The video shot past four million views and commenters had a field day speculating on the particular proclivities going on inside room 8500.
The TikToker Adita responded to the drama by pouring more fuel on the fire. Initially, she insisted she and her husband do not partake in such a lifestyle, but filmed the video while wearing a shirt with a pineapple on it. The content creator also shared another clip of a different cabin door that was also donning a pineapple, in this instance, it was upside-down.
All passengers are equal (but some are more equal than others)
If loose morals aren't your vibe, there's also allegations of preferential treatment onboard. Passengers have complained that passengers with a "Pinnacle" status (granted as part of a loyalty program) are getting certain exclusive benefits not available to other passengers.
Pinnacle members are allegedly attending meetings where choices are being made about the ship, which other cruisers are not invited to, and passengers who have booked for particular segments of the voyage have complained about being treated differently than passengers who booked of the whole voyage.
'I can't live with him anymore'
They say familiarity breeds contempt. And you know what breeds familiarity? Nine months inside a shoebox with the person you love more than anything else in the world.
Apparently, while the ship was docked in Brazil, one loved-up couple had a bit of a falling out when a woman "took her husband's wet clothes and threw them all on the laundry room floor" and told yet another TikToker on board that she "can't live with him anymore, in their small room."
Ah, l'amour!
Oh, and the wine ran out
But, at this point, are we even surprised?
Simon McCarthy
Simon McCarthy is a journalist working at the Newcastle Herald in NSW. He writes news and features, and produces video and multimedia, for the Herald and Herald Weekender magazine. He contributes regularly to the Newcastle Herald’s daily Topics column, and is the co-creator and producer of the Toohey’s News podcast. McCarthy has worked as a journalist in regional NSW since 2013. He joined the newsroom of the Newcastle Herald in 2017 from the Northern Daily Leader in Tamworth where he worked from 2015 to 2016.
Simon McCarthy is a journalist working at the Newcastle Herald in NSW. He writes news and features, and produces video and multimedia, for the Herald and Herald Weekender magazine. He contributes regularly to the Newcastle Herald’s daily Topics column, and is the co-creator and producer of the Toohey’s News podcast. McCarthy has worked as a journalist in regional NSW since 2013. He joined the newsroom of the Newcastle Herald in 2017 from the Northern Daily Leader in Tamworth where he worked from 2015 to 2016.
