CHRISTMAS next month. What? Already? It sure seems the further one moves into the life movie and away from the opening titles towards the closing credits, the quicker Christmas comes around each year. This year it seems especially quick.
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Once we're in November, it's fair game to start with end of year lists. Like calling the first magpie attack in April or spotting hot cross buns for sale on Melbourne Cup Day. Due to COVID-19, Australians spent a lot of time looking at the interwebs and Google have provided top 10 lists of what people in Newcastle, Sydney and Melbourne were searching for during the pandemic.
So what did Novocastrians most often look for on Google between March 1 and October 21, 2020? Google divides queries into two categories - the most searched questions and the top trending searches. It's no surprise that the most searched question by Novocastrians related to the pandemic.
"How many cases of coronavirus in Australia?" was the most searched question, while "how many people have died from coronavirus?" bookended the top 10 of that category for Novocastrians.
Half of the top 10 trending searches from Newcastle on Google in the same period related to COVID-19. When compared with Sydney and Melbourne's top questions and trending searches, it's clear we all share a close interest in the virus.
But Sydney's most searched question - "how many weeks in a year" was perhaps more reflective of the differences in lockdown requirements between the big smoke and Newcastle. Or perhaps the answer was needed for a jackpot purse at online pub trivia.
The same question was number two in Newcastle. Melbourne's most searched question was "how many cases in Victoria today"?
The fifth most asked question from Novocastrians gave me the most cause to pause.
Back to searches in our city, the third most searched question was "When is Mother's Day?", while "When is Father's Day?" was three places further down the list. Also making the top 10 and perhaps also related to the virus was "How much can I borrow?".
And one can't be sure whether finance questions are related to the virus or reflective of the growing number of self-funded retirees' concern when the ASX sunk in February, but "What is the All Ords today?" and "ASX today" both made the list of the top 10 most searched questions and top trending searches respectively.
But it was the fifth most asked question from Novocastrians that gave me the most cause to pause.
"What is a simp?" Not a chimp, nor a pimp, nor a blimp. But a simp.
Former opposition leader Bill Shorten introduced more mature Aussies to the term "simp" on ABC's Insiders. Shorten was answering a question regarding the possible release by the United States of an Afghan man convicted of killing three Australian soldiers in 2012.
"If I can put it in really plain English, Mr Morrison needs to make sure he doesn't look like he's just a simp to Donald Trump," Shorten said.
Host of Insiders David Speers asked Shorten what the word meant. Shorten's response was "ahh, soft". But the Urban Dictionary's top definition is that simp refers to "someone who does way too much for a person they like". If this one comes up in a pub test, other acceptable definitions include toady, sycophant, bootlicker or brownnoser.
The biggest surprise with that question being number five in the top 10 was that people in our city bothered to watch Insiders when Crazy Cakes was on at the same time over on 7flix. It seems especially bizarre when you consider locals should have been aware of the scheduling conflict between Insiders and Crazy Cakes because "local guide program" was the third biggest top trending search in Newcastle during the period. Insiders or Crazy Cakes? Pffft. Simples.
Other top trending search questions during the period include "How to delete an Instagram account" and "How to lose weight fast". How Sydney is that pair?
Melbourne's lists were more aligned with COVID-19 than Sydney's or Newcastle's. Although unlike their northern neighbours, Melburnians didn't need to ask when Mother's Day is. But "When is Father's Day?" came in just ahead of "What time is Dan Andrews press conference today?" on the top 10 trending search list.
Here's hoping 2021 will see far fewer entries relating to COVID-19 and more entries like "simp".
And I reckon it's a very safe bet that "When is Father's Day?" will be back on the list of all three cities.