AND they're racing. Forget those Melbourne shenanigans - after all, what is Melbourne but Newcastle with useful trams and a crap city beach? The 2022 Novocastrian Cup form guide is set out below. Please gamble responsibly when laundering money at your local club or pub.
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Kapong
Gifted Kiwi sprinter. Capable of stepping around any other runner in this field. Questions remain unanswered about injury susceptibility and judgement when off track. Stewards found no case to answer after disappointing performance in Delany Dunny Handicap. Resuming from spell and will threaten if he racks up rail run.
NoNukesNua
Locally bred class mayor. Has the long-distance gene in the bloodline and handles the sting out of the ground. Medium-grade carpal tear in Netball Cup sees sprinting future under a cloud but vet confident a spell will suffice. Explosive energy. Knows this track better than most. Hard to beat.
Six O'Clock News
Well respected champion in past years. Brisbane-based owner now appears to favour hoops that yank reins. Application of ultra-light foam air cell girth cover and move to new stable has resulted in ongoing amateur gaffs. Needs owners to remove blinkers and view from punters' perspective. Not the horse it was.
Ad Zee
Ran second to Bay Butcher in Short Takes Stakes last outing. Prefers longer distance and that showed in recent victory in Letters to the Editor Handicap. Runs better without ear muffs, prefers late night racing with angel noseroll and blinkers on. Relentless. Can't dismiss but needs luck to win here.
Conceo
Formerly racing in Newcastle under previous name Media Tart. Appears to have gone shy in past 18 months. Polling recommended a tongue-tie be applied by trainer. Costs owners more than $500,000 a year in stable fees. Will take catching if left alone.
Real Estate Spruiker
Supercilious door-opener in flash silks. Has enjoyed easy few years with big winnings for little effort. Connections requested trainer to insert bubble cheekers and tongue control eggbutt with snaffle rubber mouth and matching plastic bit burr for future outings. Not fancied.
Mannfriend
Queenslander. Inquiry into performance when caught behind Kapong in Delany Dunny Handicap dismissed, but results of urine test not revealed. Last raced in July when fetlock was injured. Can't be excluded but needs more runs before exciting even most optimistic of punters.
Santa Clausen
Ambitious, confident contender with capacity to go up in class if opportunity presents. Could be a starter in the Wallsend Safe Seat Preselection Stakes if nominated by owners and opening occurs before 2060. One to watch if he gets loose in straight.
Eastender
Tireless campaigner. Owners have not nominated for the big race next March that will bring in 569 gazillion billion dollars to Newcastle, along with 890 trillion racegoers, 498 squillion television viewers, 212 million corporate box freeloaders and a Kiss no-show. Prefers straight track somewhere else. Will win eventually, but not today.
Crackas
Calm disposition in the stalls disguises urgency to win from barrier. Impressive at early trackwork for the NSW Government Election Handicap next year. Unless connections nominate Super Hubert or Big Dog, Crackas is too short in the ring to provide punters with real value. Cracka's adoption of neoprene skid boots and a double elastic race surcingle is a stroke of genius from Sussex Street. Major player.
Knights Excuses
Trained by A. O'Brien. Owner P. Gardner. Well beaten in recent starts. Jumps well in trials but loses interest, even on home track where punters' dreams die. Local support in ring waning. Punters preferring style and grace of Knights Excuses' younger sister that romped home in WNRL Trophy last start. Can't see top eight finish.
Bay Butcher
Free range gelding out of Straight Snags and Smartie Pants. Part-owned by Sky News After Dark. Won Short Takes Stakes last outing and has plenty of support from punters at this distance. May benefit from anti-rearing bit in mounting yard with feisty stallions. Excited by own whinnies. Tongue control ring snaffle recommended by vet. On the nose.
- That'll be all from me for a while. Time for a spell in the paddock.