The funeral ritual could probably do with a bit of change

We went to a funeral this week, our first in years. As we sat in the chapel, which was sporting a kind of 1980s wood-panelled decor with a Sunday schoolish vibe, we felt a bit sad.

Obviously we felt sad about the person's death. But we also felt a bit sad that the person was leaving this world in a room that seemed a bit, well, dull and lifeless [excuse our gallows humour, but we need it].

In fairness to the place in question - which wasn't in the Hunter - the garden outside was magic. And the shining sun was heavenly in the winter chill [we do fancy ourselves as a poet].

Nevertheless, the experience made us wonder a bit about the ritual of funerals in Australia and whether they need a bit of a shake up [when we recall how some people were buried overseas after COVID outbreaks, we don't have a leg to stand on].

Funerals are supposed to be solemn and respectful occasions, so maybe we're a bit off script here. But then, in a bit of a coincidence, a media release dropped into our inbox about a funeral home at Mayfield that had recently been refurbished.

It has a new "reflections lounge", which doubles as a function room with catering facilities. It kind of looks like a family-style room in a house.

And this part is interesting - people can actually hire out this room for private events, not just funerals.

That means you could have a birthday party or a conference there. Thinking laterally, this could give the place a bit more life [yep, gallows humour again]. And it does seem to be an attempt to modernise or somehow change the experience of a funeral, perhaps removing it slightly from that old-school Christian vibe.

Unfortunately, there was no mention of a service offering ashes shot out of a cannon.

Could it be that Herald industrial reporter Ian Kirkwood has stumbled across a dastardly COVID-linked bio-terrorist plot at a Chinese port?

"I was doing some research on Newcastle Port and the Belt and Road initiative just now when I came across a translated version of a China Merchants Group website about an outbreak of the virus last month in Dalian, a major port city in China," Ian said. [The Belt and Road initiative seeks to expand China's overland and maritime trade links]

"All was going well with the translation, I thought, until four lines from the bottom of the first paragraph."

The translation reads: "In addition, prevent and kill vehicles entering and leaving the port strictly implement various prevention and control measures and not miss one vehicle and one person."

We diligently passed Ian's findings to Interpol.

The Lemon Grove Hotel in Wallsend has decided to thank healthcare workers by offering them a 50 per cent discount on food in September. The Delany Hotel at Cooks Hill and Maryland Tavern are doing likewise.

Nice gesture, that.

What do you call someone who doesn't like carbs? Lack-toast intolerant.

Why did the birthday boy wrap himself in paper? He wanted to live in the present.

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